Everyone has a photographic memory.
But some people don't have film.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Ever wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if there weren't sponges?

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Speaking of which, it is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial cost and blame it on the cost of living.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

The things that come to those who wait may be all the things left by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.