Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
and Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who's just as sloshed as Schoegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
about the raising of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill of his own free will
after a half pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato they say could secret away
half a crate of whiskey everyday.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a beggar for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
and Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
'I drink, therefore I am.'
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed . . .
a lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.